Yes, the drawing is great, and I said I love that first line in the second panel. My only concern is that it does seem to need a bit more clarity in the responses of the girl at the beginning: her thought implies that she's still struggling (and I thing that would be good to start with, before you move us into a fatalism) but then she settles into a single note rather early on and doesn't recover. In a longer work though, as you suggested, that would probably work out on it's own, and the piece would have a great deal more variation.
This week we'll continue to work on your stories in preparation for workshopping them next week. For this week's assignment, give us one more two page scene from your story. If you have not yet posted the first two pages, write them. If you posted the beginning of your story last week, choose another scene.
What we see a lot of the time in inexperienced writing is a tendency in beginnings to concentrate on setting up the characters and the background to the actual story. Remember that it is just as important to grab reader interest: where/how can you start your story that will plunge us in, almost force our interest?
Remember, you can change your story at any time. Give us a short outline, however, if you're not continuing on with the story you worked on last week.
Nice and dark. I like it.
ReplyDeletereally nice drawing... ;-)
ReplyDeleteYes, the drawing is great, and I said I love that first line in the second panel. My only concern is that it does seem to need a bit more clarity in the responses of the girl at the beginning: her thought implies that she's still struggling (and I thing that would be good to start with, before you move us into a fatalism) but then she settles into a single note rather early on and doesn't recover. In a longer work though, as you suggested, that would probably work out on it's own, and the piece would have a great deal more variation.
ReplyDelete