Plot:
Jean, A thirty-two year old failing author returns home after working at her part-time job as a waitress. She is living out in a big city, any which one the reader decides to imagine. It is late at night, after a long day’s work, and Jean begins settling into her small, run down, shabby looking apartment. During this mundane process, random but significant memories of her youth and poignant aspects of her life are visualized (and thoroughly described by me, the author). These thoughts include:
1. Her relationship with her girlfriend Jenny.
2. Her experience as a nine year old girl walking in on her father cheating with another woman.
3. Living with her father, alone, after her mother died shortly after her parent’s divorce. Combined, these thoughts cast her onto the brink of the depressive abyss where she often arrives after pensive and contemplative nights such as this.

- After a quick escape granted by a relaxing weed session followed by a satisfying munchies session with ice cream, she attempts to go to sleep, where the labyrinth of circling thoughts continue to plague her restless mind. Visions of her relationship with her last boyfriend briefly come up while she is still awake and linger in her dreams, where other strange characters from her life make appearances. She suddenly awakes and sits perplexed from the oddity of her dreams.

- The next day is the anniversary of her mother’s death, and as a tradition, she goes to her mother’s gravesite to talk to her. At the grave, a conversation in Jean’s mind ensues between her and her dead mother. Essentially, it is Jean’s own conscience that she is talking to, as the details of the story explain. This conversation is mainly argumentative, an inner struggle of Jean’s on how to deal with her feelings towards her father. The story ends with end of that semi-monologue.

Characters:
Jean is the main character of this story. She is the only character actually present throughout the entire story. All of the other characters only appear from the images of her mind. She is a very complex and confused individual whose life experiences have had significant affects on her own personal development. She is quite short and extremely thin, with ghostly white skin and very small bodily features, such as her hands, nose, mouth, cheeks, etc. Her small breasts make her appear adolescent-like. Only her thick and long brown hair, which seems like it was modeled in a herbal essence commercial, gives her the appearance of a woman and not of a child. Unfortunately, she lacks the determination and steadfastness of an adult, and lacks the ability to properly cope with difficult situations. She has given up on men and pursued a superficial interest in women, acting more on confusion than a homosexual drive. She doesn’t believe in psychiatric diseases or psychotherapy but would be diagnosed with manic depression if she were to visit a psychiatrist. Needy and yet never satisfied, she enjoys only the orgasmic moments of life, but is never content with the monotone.

Jean’s father is a giant man who shares not one feature with Jean. If one was forced to believe him the father of this girl, they would have to conclude that the 23 chromosomes he contributed were all secondary to her mother’s. His giant face and giant features emphasize his manhood. His enormous forehead, which always seems sweaty, projects a bulging blue vein at all times. His dark skin seems even darker from the thick layers of black hair that line all visible parts of his body, save his face. He towers over nearly everyone he sees, including his daughter and his wife, the latter being only slightly taller than Jean. He loves his daughter deeply but fails to comprehend what love really means. (What does love really mean, you ask? Regardless of that answer, let us say that her father definitely does not know that answer.) Unknowingly, he is extremely selfish and acts deceitfully in getting things to go his way, though he is never fully aware of the deceit he employs. Nevertheless, the implication of his intentions generally succeeds in attracting others to pityingly love him in return.

Scene:
Finally, sleep overtakes her. And in her dreams she struggles with the seemingly disconnected images that present themselves. First, she finds herself standing at the edge of a cliff by the sea, where heaps of garbage line the rocky slope to the restless waves at the bottom. The strong ocean breeze penetrates her small, flimsy ears, shutting out other sounds. Feeling like she will fall at any moment, and strangely almost wanting to, she feels some sort of barrier at the edge, preventing her from falling. Suddenly Jean is no longer standing on the cliff's edge but floating abover the water. This allows her to observe the cliffs and the heaps of garbage upon its slope from an entirely new angle, a surreal image. At such heights, the levels of anticapation soon rise, she feels like she should fall into the deep at any moment, and yet she remains drifting in the air. And then, all of a sudden, Jean is surrounded, is somewhere indoors. As is the plunge into those waters has finally been made, a feeling of completing-The feeling of the place gives her much comfort, as if she is not living but only floating in some spiritual form, feeling continuous satisfaction and pleasure. A hazy blue covers all space around her, and she floats in her world of content.

Out from the distance appears Mike, and since he is present, she loves him, overwhelmingly loves him. He appears as handsome as he had been the first night they slept together, and his beauty resonates from his face. She knows she loves him, and feels the sensation and comfort she felt when she first went out with him. He slowly gets closer, closer to her, and she sees in his eyes that thier feelings of love are mutual. But with every step that brings him closer to her, the cosmic blue turns into a darker, more frightening color, until it is an entirely black world. The content which she felt upon first entering this microcosmic world slowly dissipates, and that awful feeling of nervousness and anxiety which she felt moments before walking home with her mother that awful day begin rousing in her stomach again, a fear which she has fought to keep away for a long time.

It is an entirely new dream. Suddenly Mike is nowhere near her, as he had been just moments before. Instead he stands in the distance and again begins approaching Jean, only this time he is not alone. She still loves him, but some way or another, both are aware that she has declared her feelings of homosexuality.
“I’m sure you know Sasha already. Nevertheless, it would be extremely ungentlemanly of me to not introduce her to you”, says Mike, though his mouth never moves but the words are coherent.
“Why would you ever bring her here? How many times do I have to tell you” cries Jean, but Mike doesn’t seem to hear a word she says.
“We’re going to get married, and I figured you should be there, considering it won’t be something that bothers you. I mean, why should it anyway? I’m not wrong, am I? If anything, if you feel uncomfortable at all, it’s only your fault. You know, all that sadness is our own fault, anyway.”
And without haste, Jean grabs Sasha and kisses her madly, though entirely lacking of passion. Though she is kissing Sasha, her image has stepped outside of herself. She can see her own body kissing the girl, but her eyes only see Mike, standing there with a wry smile, standing there and knowing something she doesn’t. Suddenly, Sasha becomes Jenny, the way that people often suddenly change characters in dreams. The pleasures of the kiss are immediately recognized by Jean, and the moment becomes odder, less comfortable, but more sensual. Abruptly, Mike pulls Jenny away from Jean. Jean tries to bring her back, stretching her arms out to get her back but cannot extend them far enough. The feeling of yearning is distressing, and the level of anxiety again rises. And Jenny puts on the same wry smile Mike had adorned. Spitting out some white substance from her mouth, Jenny mutters “You bitch. It’s all your fault”, and fades out.

Waking up, Jean cried heavily, plagued with that same feeling of yearning that has clearly lingered from her strange dream. “What the hell was that”, she thought to herself. “What in the hell was that?” Sitting in her muck and confusion, she remembered how badly she did not want to go tomorrow, and would rather just sleep until three. “Well you know what, even in sleep I can’t get any rest! Ah, this is horrible. What am I gonna do?” Picking up her phone she begins to text Jenny.
“Hope I dnt wake u. Jus had fked up dream. Not doin well. If ur up, call me. If not, ill talk 2 u in the morning.” But before writing “luv u” as usual, she thought about what Jenny said in the dream. And angrily, as if she had to get her back, she tossed the phone on the floor without sending the text. With a great sigh and light tears forming in her dark brown, sullen eyes, she laid down on her pillows and fell right back to sleep. Other dreams came and went, but only the strange dreams of the cliffs and the encounter with Mike brought about that discomfort she felt the next morning.