Panel A
It's 2:00 p.m. Amy and Bonnie are walking down the street after they had lunch.
Amy: So did you like the food there?
Bonnie: It was great! Especially I loved the guacamoles! How did you find out that restaurant?
Panel B
Amy opens her car door
Amy: I was there with my cousin
Bonnie: Oh I see. What are we going to do?
Amy: Why don't we go to the mall. I want to buy a shoes
Bonnie: Sounds good! Let's go!
Panel C
They are on the highway. But too much traffic. Amy gets irritated.
Amy: Oh My God! What the hell is going on? Cars won't move!!
Bonnie: There might be an car accident.
Amy: It's almost 3 o'clock!! It only takes 10 minutes from the restaurant to the mall. I can't stand it anymore!
Bonnie: Take it easy Amy. It is one of the day...
Amy: Arggg.........
Panel D
At 3:30p.m. Amy and Bonnie arrived at local shopping mall. They both exhausted.
Ring Ring...(Phone calls)
Amy picks up the call
Amy: Hello?
Amy's mom: Hey Amy. Where you at?
Amy: I am at the mall. Why?
Amy's mom: you need to come home right now
because Jon needs a ride. I can't use my car right now.
Amy: But mom! I just got into...
Amy's mom: okay? call me when you get here. Hurry!
Bonnie: what happened? you have to go?
Amy: yes...I think today is the worst day of my life. I'm so sorry Bonnie..
Bonnie: It's alright! I'll just hang around here and I can catch a bus later.
Amy: Can you do that? I'm so sorry. I'll call you later.
Panel E
Amy is heading to the parking lot. And she is screaming.
Amy: Ah!!!!!!
Panel F
Amy is in panic. She saw one of her tire got slashed.
Amy is calling to Bonnie. After few minutes. Bonnie show up.
Bonnie: Amy! Are you okay?
Amy: No I'm not...I shouldn't be outside today..
Bonnie: Hold on, Let me call AAA service first
Amy: Thank you for being with me today Bonnie
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Very interesting, very dramatic. If I were to guess at what the overall aim of the piece was, I would say that these are supposed to be a series of events adding up to a very bad day. And it is, certainly. The only question I have is that the slashing of the tires (not a flat, but a slashing), is an act of violence that so far outweighs more ordinary, bad day things like too much traffic, that it throws me off balance, ratchets up the stakes too quickly. That might be more of an issue with the length than anything else--perhaps in a longer piece you could have a more gentle increase in the problems to get to the final point. Another option would be for it just to be a flat tire, but that might be a bit pedestrian I would guess...
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